this year.

well this definately came too fast, but winter break is now over & school is well underway. i got back to the dorms on sunday & then spent the next four hours unpacking my ridiculous amount of stuff. at least i've come to terms with the fact that i'm an over packer. admitting it is the first step, right?

i had the best break because it was spent filling up my heart up with family & friends. it was so nice just to have a month of relaxing (kinda) & catching up with friends i had lost touch with. it was so enlightening to know that time hadn't changed any of them & our gatherings were just as fun as i remembered. god has definitely blessed me with amazing people in my life. 

2013 was a very challenging & emotional year for me. i have never been challenged as emotionally as i was last year & because of that i think i got lost in the mess of what used to be. i have never been someone who likes change & i struggle with accepting things. when things don't go the way i want them to, or the way i think they should, i question god. in hindsight, i pushed him away last year because life had a different plan than the one i had planned. the person that i was in love with decided that he had a different plan too. this was one of the hardest things that i've ever had to deal with. i haven't really figured out why yet. maybe it's because i never really got the closure that i needed. the whole thing didn't make sense, & still doesn't make sense to me. i pray that i will see the puzzle pieces finally fit together one day, & i will be able to understand it. 

but for now, i'm happy that i had my "aha" moment about a month ago. i realized that putting faith in god 100% was the only way to go. i think that one of the hardest parts for me was just letting go of the control i so desperately want to have, & to put it all in his hands. sometimes when things don't happen the way we want them to, that is god's way of saying "wait" or "not now." most of time, this is the most frustrating part because i've never been a patient person. now i remind myself, "god knows what he's doing, he knows what he's doing." because he really does. i know now that god's plan for me is going to be something greater than myself. that's the fun of it all i think. i don't know what's coming for me, but god does. waiting to see is exciting. 

looking back on the last seven months i have come a very long way. i have my family & friends to thank for that. this year i'm going to be a little selfish & focus on myself a little more. i need to take time to better myself everyday. i need to take time to accept the past & to fully heal my heart. i need to pray more daily. i've learned that i can talk to god whenever, & i will take full advantage of this. i need to do things for myself. i'm going to use this blog for me, as an outlet to let things go. i need to find happiness in the littlest of things everyday. but mainly i need to make god number one in my life. i can't wait to see where life takes me this year. 

i'm ready for whatever comes at me because now, i have him walking with me.